CAN THIS MARRIAGE BE SAVED?
Ladies Home Journal On-Line
DRS. MOSCHETTA'S COMMENTS:
DR. EVELYN MOSCHETTA:
Lydia had slipped into a real depression. For years she defined herself by her role as a mother. It made her feel important, loved and appreciated—feelings she didn’t get from her marriage to a man who, as far as she was concerned, was unresponsive and out of touch. But as the boys became increasingly self-sufficient, and as many of her friends went back to work, Lydia felt a huge loss.
Most likely, this, combined with the ever-growing problems in her marriage, precipitated a midlife crisis of sorts. In marriage, it is essential that we be able to nurture each other; that’s the spiritual part of marriage. Not many couples realize that or tend to give it importance. But being able to nurture someone else, and being able to receive that nurturing, is essential for feeling like a whole, happy person.
DR. PAUL MOSCHETTA:
Now, of course, Lydia also shows us how our childhood comes back to influence how we behave as adults. Lydia grew up having not very much self-esteem. She wanted desperately to be loved and nurtured, and her dream was to have a marriage and a house with a white picket fence and a family. That was her goal. She imagined that if she could obtain that, happiness would follow. Lydia was willing to sacrifice her own feelings to play a docile, subservient role to get the feeling that says, “I’ve finally arrived. I can have some nurturing that comes to me from my own efforts."
DR. EVELYN MOSCHETTA:
But the mistake Lydia made was believing that in order to get nurturing, you have to give up who you are. In fact, it's when you know who you are and are able to stay centered that you’re able to give and receive nurturing. She lost herself in the marriage.
DR. PAUL MOSCHETTA:
That’s what we see here in this story: A woman who thought she could almost trade her self-esteem to get nurturing, and found out she couldn’t really be something she wasn’t.
Richard's Turn: Part One
Richard's Turn: Part Two
Richard's Turn: Part Three
