CAN THIS MARRIAGE BE SAVED?
Ladies Home Journal On-Line
INTRODUCTION
DR. EVELYN MOSCHETTA:
While this couple has been married over twenty years and has five kids, the problems they are facing are common with many parents today. Studies have shown that most couples--no matter how long they’ve known each other, or how much they’ve discussed raising a family--are totally unprepared for the enormous challenges that come with parenthood: What happens to a couple’s relationship when baby makes three? How can you be partners and parents, too?
DR. PAUL MOSCHETTA:
That’s right. These studies also show that marital satisfaction often decreases dramatically with each child. Unless each of you is sensitive to your own and your partner’s needs (to be loved, to feel important), self-esteem plummets and resentment builds. If you don’t heed the warnings, the marriage can crumble. As you’ll see with this couple, the seeds of discontent are often sown long before the labor pains begin.
JOAN'S TURN, Part One:
“Nat and I have been together for so long, I never thought it would come to this,” says Joan, forty-four, a tiny, soft-spoken woman who was so angry with her spouse she barely glanced his way.
We've known each other since grade school, and married when we were in our twenties. Twenty-four years and five children later, we’re actually talking about getting divorced.
I come from a large family, so it’s not unusual that I wanted one of my own, is it? But mine wasn’t a particularly happy family. My father was an alcoholic. Back then, no one acknowledged that sort of thing; they just pretended it didn’t exist. Although he wasn’t physically abusive, my father would often scream at me and my siblings and he treated my mother horribly. Every night, we’d wait anxiously to see what state he’d be in when he walked in the door. Would he be screaming and throwing things, or would he be calm and loving? His rages terrified me; when he was angry, I would cry on my bed with a pillow over my head.
DR. PAUL MOSCHETTA:
The legacy of alcoholism is a burden that many families still carry and have to deal with. Children who grow up with an alcoholic parent are often left feeling anxious, inadequate and lacking in confidence. These feelings stem from growing up in a home that's filled with chaos and the imminent threat that, at any moment, things might unravel. These feelings are often carried over into adulthood in different ways.
DR. EVELYN MOSCHETTA:
When a child's home environment is as unstable and unsupportive as Joan's was, they don’t know whom they can trust. Worst of all, they begin to doubt themselves. Joan desperately needed an emotional anchor to feel good about herself in some way. This is reflected in many of the problems she’s having with Nat.
Joan's Turn, Part Two
Joan's Turn, Part Three
Joan's Turn, Part Four
Joan's Turn, Part Five
Joan's Turn, Part Six
Joan's Turn, Part Seven
Nat's Turn, Part One
Nat's Turn, Part Two
Nat's Turn, Part Three
Drs. Moschetta's Comments
