CAN THIS MARRIAGE BE SAVED?
Ladies Home Journal On-Line
"I CAN'T FORGET WHAT HE DID"
STEVE'S TURN, PartTwo:
"I fell madly in love with Claudia the moment I first saw her, though it took me weeks to get up the nerve to even talk to her. Once I did, we dated throughout high school and I knew we'd get married, but my life came to a halt when I was drafted. I had mixed feelings about going. In fact, after basic training, I was actually AWOL for thirty days before reporting for assignment. I couldn't decide whether I should go to Canada or sign up. My whole life was just opening up. I was in love, I had a terrific job with great opportunities. Hell, I was only nineteen.
When I got back, I tried to pick up where I'd left off. The security firm where I had been working offered to put me through school so I could get my electrician's license, which is what I'd always wanted to do. I started to make pretty decent money--more than my dad ever made. But after the twins were born, I really began to feel the financial pressure. Claudia was itching to buy a house because our first apartment was too small for all four of us. I knew it was tight but I didn't think we could afford to move. Still, she was so insistent that we did. I loved her and wanted to make her happy. But as soon as we were in the new house, Claudia started complaining that we had no yard for boys to run around in and the schools weren't good enough. So we moved again. I began to think that this was a woman I could never please. With her, the glass is always half-empty.
What kills me is that while she begged for a bigger house, she never took care of it. I would come home to find a mess--the kids' stuff all over the place, laundry piled high on the bathroom floor and nothing for dinner. Look, I'm not saying it's easy. But once in a while, can't she get it together? It makes me nuts to come home to such chaos. I'm an old-fashioned kind of guy who thinks of his home as his castle. Instead, I get no peace. She badgers me about spending time on work-related matters. Look, I'm union president, and an awful lot of people have cast their vote for me to represent them. It's my job to be there when a dispute comes up. Is that so tough to understand?
I've always tried to aim high, but I never got a lot of encouragement at home. My dad, a construction worker, always instilled the wrath of God in all of us. He used to put me down and make me feel like I was never good enough. He was a tough man who never had much time for my younger brother or me. I can't remember one conversation or heart-to-heart talk we ever had. But when he disapproved of something, boy, did you hear from him then. If I needed to talk, I'd go to my mother. She was a good woman who tried to make peace with a difficult man and raise her children to be decent young men. In many ways, I feel I've let her down, too.
I thought that in a marriage, a husband and wife are supposed to talk to each other. But I haven't been able to do that with Claudia for years. She doesn't want anything to do with me most of the time, and if I say something, she gets defensive. She'll never admit that she's ever wrong or that maybe I have a point. Trying to have a discussion with her is ridiculous since she blames me for everything and rarely bothers to listen to what I have to say. She just gives me a look that could kill.
Clearly, the one-night stand was an idiotic thing to do. It only made our problems worse. Something has to change; this is no way to live. As Claudia said, we're both miserable. Every weekend there's another huge blowout. This is so different from the life I dreamed we would have."
Claudia's Turn, Part Two
Claudia's Turn, Part Three
