Transcript
of Drs. Moschetta Interview on
ABC GOOD MORNING AMERICA - March 2, 1998
LISA
McREE, Host: In today's edition of Love, Sex, Etc., modern marriage
is more complicated than ever. But the key to making it work still lies
in some very basic truths. That is according to Doctors Evelyn and Paul
Moschetta, who are the marriage counseling team that answers the question,
Can this marriage be saved? for "Ladies Home Journal" each and every month.
Now they've put their collective wisdom into a book that's called "The
Marriage Spirit," and they join us this morning. Nice to meet the
both of you.
EVELYN MOSCHETTA, DSW, Marriage Counselor: Oh, you too.
LISA
McREE, Host What
is the marriage spirit?
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: Ah, the marriage spirit
is a current of unselfish love that flows through every strong and healthy
marriage. And the key word is unselfish, because that's the part of us
that comes from something higher in us, and not from our everyday egos.
LISA
McREE, Host Yes, you talk a lot in the book
about our personal egos.
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: Right.
PAUL
MOSCHETTA, DSW, Marriage Counselor: Yes.
LISA
McREE, Host It's all about self-satisfaction.
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: Right.
Dr.
PAUL MOSCHETTA: See, we know that every strong and healthy marriage thrives on unselfish
love, but it's the kind of love that only comes from the best part of
us. So we've got to get our ego out of the way, because my ego is only
concerned with one thing, me, me, me.
LISA
McREE, Host But how do you do that? Because
you need your ego so much for your day-to-day life out in the world. How
do you separate that from your -- at home, your one relationship that
matters?
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: Yes. Well, in the book we talk about a skill called witnessing, and that's
the ability to kind of step outside yourself and see that part of you
that likes to win, to be in control, that has to be right, that blames,
that holds on to angers and hurts...
LISA
McREE, Host Give me an example of what witnessing a reaction is -- might -- you know,
my husband, I come home from work, and I've wanted him to take out the
trash, and it's not -- and I'm immediately, you know, I mean, how mean...
Dr.
PAUL MOSCHETTA: Well,
I'll give you a good example.
LISA
McREE, Host ... because he always takes out
the trash. But what is it...
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: Right, OK.
LISA
McREE, Host ... how do you witness that emotion
you're feeling?
Dr.
PAUL MOSCHETTA: Evelyn and I have two offices and a home in a third place, so we're constantly
traveling around. So we get to one office, and it was late in the day,
and Evelyn dropped her bags right in the bedroom right in front of the
bathroom door, left, and turned out all the lights. Later that night,
I come groping in to make my way to the bathroom, and almost do a swan
dive into the toilet bowl. So I get up, swearing, and saying, "When I
get her, I'm going to let her have it. She always does this." And suddenly,
I see myself feeling very self-righteous, wanting to get the upper hand,
wanting to let her know that she was wrong, wanting to blame. And as soon
as I see myself doing that, it passes.
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: Right.
LISA
McREE, Host So you're saying, by acknowledging it, you can let go of it, acknowledge,
let go.
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: Yes! To see it, to not be afraid of seeing when you've done something
that's not in the best (crosstalk)
Dr.
PAUL MOSCHETTA: Had Evelyn come through the door when I was in the middle of my anger,
I would have blasted her. She would have gotten her -- a distance would
have opened up.
LISA
McREE, Host But you understand, because you almost ended up in the toilet bowl, right?
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: Yes!
LISA
McREE, Host It's OK to be angry sometimes.
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: Oh,
yes, yes! Anger is fine. Anger is not the problem.
Dr.
PAUL MOSCHETTA: It's what we do with it.
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: The problem is what
we do with the anger.
LISA
McREE, Host And you had an interesting thing in your book where you talked about meditating,
about breathing, about closing your eyes and just thinking about the breath
going in and out. And if you can step outside from yourself and just sort
of watch yourself breathe, that helps you step outside yourself and watch
yourself react to things.
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: Yes,
yes, yes!
LISA
McREE, Host Most importantly, I thought, in your book, what I really enjoyed, was
that -- the part where you talked about marriage, your marriage, being
a sacred place. People in it -- and I called my husband last night and
said, "Our marriage is a sacred place," and he thought I was, like, nuts.
But, you know, what does that mean?
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA: But it is. It means
that you don't dump all your stress, your anger, your hostility into this...
LISA
McREE, Host Keep it clean.
Dr. EVELYN MOSCHETTA:...
place.
LISA
McREE, Host Thanks so much.
Content and programming copyright (c) 1998
American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.
In New York City (212) 319-1808
In Huntington, Long Island (631) 673-7959
East Hampton, Long Island (631) 324-6364
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